Things

The main reason I don't post on here anymore is mainly because I made a new gmail account, and it won't let me link that one. It annoys me that I have to log out of my main one to log on here.

Things are cool. The semester is over. It wasn't too great because of being busy all the time. Next semester will be even busier. I think my majorly fun part of college is over considering all of the things I'm going to be get involved in. We'll see what happens to my social life. It stinks but I feel like the only free time I have will be alotted to my long-distance-ish boyfriend. We will see.

That's another thing. Boyfriend! I can't help but always think of "I am flawed if I'm not free" whenever I'm in a relationship situation. But I really am comfortable with how things are going. I may be pessimistic at times just because it is hard when I rarely get to see him and electronic communication is very much lacking of affection, but it's been working. I don't plan nor want things to end anytime soon and I have hope for the growth of feelings. I met his family and that was great. He met my mom, aunt, and sister and it went really well :)

My ex is somewhat back in my life and that's been kind of draining. I hear he's been repeating our situation with the most wonderful person and it makes me so frustrated. Apathy would be nice. I've never been able to completely disconnect anyone from my thoughts or feelings and I really do mean anyone. It'd just be nice if I was granted this one as a break. The whole out of sight, out of mind thing was way better in my opinion.

I cut my hair! Woo!

I've been playing the ukulele :) I need to buy my own, I've been playing Allison's which she has lent me for the time being

My friends are still the coolest yay!

I wanted to drink on christmas night but my mother's presence and evident (to me) judgement of drinking made me wary. I wish AA didn't make her so uptight about drinking. I mean I'm glad it helped her but I wish she could be more open minded when it comes to others.

I can't get myself to sit down and read books anymore and it makes me sad. I made the decision to set a rule that my future children will have a bedtime BUT if they want to stay up and read with the lights on that is okay. They cannot do anything else! This way, they'll be awesome bookworms and won't fuck their eyesight from reading by hallights or flashlights.

I'm seeing Thursday on Thursday woo!
Okayyy hope everyone's holidays are super great
Bye!

Afraid to put down my fears
Hoping that not bringing them out to the open will really make everything OKAY
Also it could be silly paranoia

Yea but things are good otherwise :)

i wish i could tell you how cute you are so cute so cute
lallalalal
boy boyyyy boyyy you are so cuttteee
lallalalala

so cute so cute
wish i could tell you
lalaaaaa

...........lol at facebook telling everyone to "Reach Out" to people they were once romantically involved with.

HOW DOES IT KNOW??? ?? ?? ? ?? ?

I had a weird dream that I was at some movie viewing or something except the seating was comparable to that of my high school cafeteria. It was some kind of mockery of the hipster scene and had something to do with Joseph Gordon-Levitt beatboxing to Crystal Castles. I blame Tumblr. But an old fling was there and I wanted him to notice me and to be jealous that he chose not to have me. Of course he didn't even look at me or acknowledge my existence. My jacket was laying on the table right in front of him so I kept making up reasons to go over there and get stuff from my jacket. It's really just cause I'm back on campus and thinking about him a lot, passing by our old hang out places and what not. Most specifically where I would always visit him at work. Whatever~

I went to bed early and now can't fall back asleep and have to be up in less than 6 hours for a MANDATORY ropes course, fuck!

But in other news life is pretty cool and my room is pretty cool too. Not excited to start classes but excited for my roommates to move in, woo! And I have to go home tomorrow night until 5pm Saturday for my brother's engagement party yahh!

Hellooooo junior year (woah)

I think the saddest part of it all is really just the fact that it's happened to me before. Why aren't I ever the one they want to come back to?

Every time I go to write something about my life in here I get mad at myself and x out the post. Then I'll go to talk to a friend about it and get annoyed with myself and don't even bother. Frustrating.

I've been having strange dreams about love recently. Except I can never remember anything about them when I wake up besides the fact that's what they were about.

• cupcake
• tangerine
• jelly bean

Maybe I should go for something a little less sweet? 

It's cool that I don't really care so much in the present but I would give anything to stop caring about the past

It's important for you not to overanalyze every little detail of your situation now, Capricorn, especially when it comes to love and romance issues. You could be jumping to ridiculous conclusions based purely on circumstantial evidence. Don't lose sleep over things that you don't even know to be true. Release your stranglehold on certain issues and concentrate on simply rebuilding your own self-confidence.

Astrology is awesome and something I become more and more interested in as the days go by. Especially when my horoscopes know what's up. Like, forreaaalllll.

The past couple of days have been really fun and great but my mom made me feel bad about drinking last night. It's not fair that she makes me feel guilty. She's the alcoholic and I know it runs in our blood and all, but I'm not her and never will be. I'm stronger than that.

I jumped into Lauren's pool with my phone in my pocket and it was really awesome and freeing and I really just didn't care about anything. So yeah I am now phoneless and I could care less.

:)

I mean I'm gonna get another phone eventually but the break is very enjoyable.

not sure why all my old, old posts showed up on the blog feed
sorry for blowing you guys up i guess

Honestly, when you're upset talking is the best thing you can do. It's so relieving even if it's just temporary. That's what friends are for- you can bitch and bitch and cry and complain about the same thing over and over again because it continuously makes you upset

and we sit
and we listen
and we love.